Writing update #21

So, I've finished editing chapter 4 and I'm a bit into chapter 5. I would have gotten them typed up if an idea for a new epic fantasy didn't hit me in the face like a brick. I got the magic system written down, and I've made a basic outline (Basically a single paragraph for each chapter for the general thing that is going to happen in that chapter). It seems like a fun story where the main character is orphaned after the military destroyed his home town and his little brother is the main bad guy who got his arm ripped off in said attack. Over the course of an attempt at revenge, the main character learns that his little brother's true goal is to revive god in order to resurrect his parents and that the revenge is just icing on the cake. It seemed like a fun setting.

Anyway, this is Keisuke's introduction scene.

Chapter 3 (A friend locked away)

            Keisuke squeezed the bridge of his nose then packed his kickboxing gloves and pads into a long brown duffle bag. I’m glad Ami bolted as soon as class ended.

            To Keisuke’s left, Taisei lifted a red, blue and white backpack onto his shoulders.

            The gym emptied, and they were left alone with the instructors. Despite that, the stench of worn tube-socks still stuffed the gym from padded wall to padded wall.

            Keisuke gagged. “Let’s get out of here.”

            “Agreed.”

            Together, they stepped from the gym and into the refreshing night air.

            Through his nose, Keisuke inhaled then sighed. No Pain-in-the-ass Ami to be seen or heard? Bliss.

            Cars rushed through the traffic light ahead of them. On their left, tires screeched across the bridge over the train tracks while storefront music played on their right. When the light changed, people bustled across the street like a wave of undulating bodies.

            Keisuke moved forward. “I’d like to —”

            The traffic light changed, and the cars began to flow once more.

            “Never mind.” Keisuke shook his head and stopped on the curb. “Anyway, Ami was being such a bitch earlier.”

            Taisei chuckled. “You’re only saying that because she knocked you out.”

            “I could have beaten her if I wanted to.” Using my collection of bells.

            “Sure you could have.” Taisei rolled his eyes. “Honestly, the only one of us who could even challenge her is John.”

            Keisuke scoffed.

            “You know it’s true.” Taisei jabbed Keisuke in the shoulder.

            Keisuke rubbed at his shoulder. “I guess you’re right?”

            “You guess?”

            “Yeah, yeah. By the way, what happened to John?”

            “Your guess is as good as mine. The only thing I’m sure of is that Ami will not like the results.”

            Keisuke spat. “Better for John. Do you really think he would want to get roped to that beast?”

            “She is cute.”

            “Ha!”

            “And the two of them like a lot of the same things. I don’t think it would be so bad.”

            “Then you haven’t known her long enough.”

            Before grinning, Taisei narrowed his eyes. “You would know since she’s —”

            Keisuke shoved Taisei and pointed at him. “Don’t finish that sentence.”

            Taisei winked. He clearly wanted to say something else. It was written across his smug face.

            On their way to the HUB — a chain-British pub — they crossed the street and walked over the large bridge. Trains blared their horns while they zipped down the tracks beneath the bridge.

            Keisuke pressed a finger into his ear then pulled out his smartphone. He called John over and over again.

            All went directly to voicemail.

            One inside the HUB, Taisei snatched the table by the bar in the center of the room. Their usual spot.

            Alone, Keisuke strolled up to the bar and ordered two pints of beer. Then, he returned to the table. “It feels weird without John here.”

            Taisei took his beer and raised it high. “I know. But that’s not going to stop me.”

            Keisuke laughed. “Well put. Kanpai.”

            “Kanpai.”

            For some reason, beer always tasted better after working-out.

            The sweet foam caressed Keisuke’s lips and danced across his tongue. The icy, golden liquid that followed sent a jolt of ecstasy from the roof of his mouth to the tips of his toes. By the time the beer had reached his throat, he had already melted. This was wonderful. If only life could be as smooth.

            Taisei nodogoshied — a gulping swallow followed by a relaxing sigh.

            Keisuke returned the gesture. “Despite the god-like taste, it still doesn’t feel right without John.”

            “I —”

            “One, two, three, four!” Taisei’s cellphone said while it rang and played Jpop music. “I want you! I need you! I love you!”

            Taisei flipped his cellphone open and answered it.

            A muffled voice buzzed on the other end.

            Taisei’s eyes bulged.

            Keisuke frowned, and his brow furrowed. “What is it?”

            Taisei hung up and stood. “John … .”

            “Don’t tell me —”

            “He … has been arrested.”

            Keisuke scrambled to his feet. “That can’t be right!”

###

Next: Update #22 Painting revised chapter 1

Writing update #20

So, I've finished with the second chapter now in BURNING, and I'm almost done with the third chapter. This draft is moving along, though I'd like to hurry up and be done with it. I think I'm going to go to Saizeria in a bit and get the drink bar then chug coffee and pound out the third chapter tonight!

Anyway, this is the first scene from the second chapter, and Ami's introduction.

Chapter 2 (Unable to confess)

            Time slipped by while Ami allowed the hot water to cascade off of her body. Then, she cut the shower off. That felt wonderful. She climbed out of the tub, and her feet shot in opposite directions across the wet floor. After pulling herself together, she opened the bathroom door.

            Steam rolled from the bathroom and into the living room.

            Ami toweled off.

            In an instant, the warm, summer heat created a sheen of perspiration across her naked skin. The shampoo she had used created a rose scent around her.

            I wonder if John will be free tonight after kickboxing. Ami wiped the sweat off of her body then turned on the fan. Once she had the towel wrapped around her hair, she pranced about her apartment. I missed my chance last time. I cannot allow another girl to take him away from me this time … . This time —

            In her memory, Haru sat beside John at the sports club drinking party. She poured drink after drink down his throat while staring at him as if she were a lost puppy. Before anyone noticed, she pulled John from the party. That night, she raped him, took pictures and later forced John to breakup with his girlfriend.

            The only good to come out of it was that John was now single.

            Ami ground her teeth. That bitch! The way Haru talked about it, she was going to tell John that he was a Chef then claim him. Before turning on the TV, she took a deep calming breath. At least the boss barred her from speaking to him. Still … . I will confess to him tonight.

            Blood rushed to Ami’s face.

            Her foot began tapping on its own, and she found herself wringing her hands together. I —

            “The Omiya Yankees struck again last night,” the reporter on the news said, “yesterday’s victim was a young couple walking their dog.”

            Ami clenched her fists. A growl slipped through her lips, and her heart rate steadied. I just need to get John alone and tell him how I feel.

            “This attack was only one of seven over this past week,” the reporter said, “and all of the victims were hospitalized on top of having all of their belongings stolen.”

            While glaring at the TV, Ami gritted her teeth. “I will bring them to justice tonight —” Her breath caught. But … what about John?

            The room seemed to drop in temperature.

            Ami shivered. “I can,” she said to herself, “bring justice after my first date … probably.”

            She continued to build herself up as she put on her gym clothes. After stuffing an extra set of clothes — for her date — into her backpack, she threw a pair of feathers, a ballpoint pen and a red-stringed bell into the side pocket. She zipped up her backpack and tossed the towel across the couch before tying her long black hair into a ponytail. Then she headed out the front door, trying to maintain her confidence.

###

Next: Update #21 BURNING Chapter 3 Draft 2 scene 1

Writing update #19

So, I've finished updating the opening chapters of PAINTING. The first chapter became 4 chapters, and the second became 2 chapters. The third and forth are about the same, though they've been updated to better match Zack's personality. When I have readers go through it, I'll post the new chapter one. I've also started back on BURNING's second draft. 

So, this is the second draft of my first scene from this year's NaNo WriMo, BURNING FOR THE GLORY OF PEACE! I've revised it a good bit. I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 1 (Jerked into trouble)

            Crack!

            John’s white cellphone snapped in half when he flipped it open.

            The screen-half of his cellphone bounced off of the steps leading into Higashi-Washinomiya station and landed beside the large red postbox. The bright, noonday sun reflected from the screen into his eyes.

            “Fuck!” John spiked the other half then yelled.

            The handful of people milling around the train station turned to stare at him with their mouths agape. Among them, there was not a single member of the PTA. Luckily, his students’ parents were busy hosting a summer bazaar at his school despite the heat and humidity.

            After shaking his head, John climbed the steps into the station. Just because I’m a teacher, doesn’t mean I should have to work these Saturday events. He groaned. All I want to do for the rest of the day is relax and grab a few beers with Taisei. He pulled out his wallet and touched it to the ticket gate.

            When it read the Suica inside his wallet, the ticket gate dinged.

            John moved towards the bathroom until the nose shredding scent of bleach slapped him in the face. His eyes watered.

            A middle-aged woman stepped from the men’s bathroom with a bucket in one hand and a mop in the other. She wore her brown hair that was a bit darker than his own in a bun. Just like his mother.

            Thump!

            John’s heart slammed into his chest, and he gasped. His hands trembled.

            His mother’s face appeared in his mind. Suddenly, a sneer contorted her lips.

            A choking sensation washed over him.

            His mother screamed.

            John’s muscles slacked. He reached towards the nightstand beside his red racecar bed and patted its smooth surface.

            Something cold rested under his hand. Something hard. Something sharp.

            John killed the memory and turned away from the bathroom. Why? He sniffled. Why did she make me do it? After wiping the tears from his cheeks, he stumbled over to the escalator then rode it to the second platform.

            Dozens of people crowded the Utsunomiya-line platform that headed towards Tokyo. Buzzing conversations riddled the air. The musty stink of Japanese salary-men and their inability to use deodorant made John gag.

            By moving closer to the tracks and away from the smell, John tried to hold down the onigiri that he had eaten earlier. He closed his eyes. Several calming breaths later, he opened them again.

            Gray stones littered the train tracks, standing out among the brown ones.

            “What are those for?” John blinked.

            Something pulled at him. The gray stones pulsed — thumped like a beating heart. They called out to him.

            In order to inspect them further, John leaned forward. Maybe I could grab —

            “Fucking wonderful,” a youthful voice said from behind in Japanese. The voice carried the vowels a bit too long.

            John spun.

            A Japanese man more than a head-length shorter than John stood there. The man’s gray hair contrasted his child-like face, giving him an old yet young appearance. The man marched towards John.

            The stench of burning potatoes filled the air.

            John’s upper-lip curled, and he scrubbed his tongue across his teeth. Who’s cooking potatoes?

            The man’s eyes shifted from brown and began to glow a shade of red that matched John’s own.

            “Wh— why?” John stumbled backwards. “Why are your eyes glowing?”

            “So, seeing the stones wasn’t a fluke.” The man grunted. “At least you speak Japanese.”

            At a loss for words, John nodded.

            “But for someone to awaken here? Right in front of me?” The man spat. “And a foreigner at that.”

            “Awaken?”

            “No time to explain now.” The man grabbed him by the arm. “Don’t puke on me like the last foreigner I met in a station. That dirty Picasso … .” A pencil-thick, blue cable extended from his stomach and touched one of the gray stones.

            The world lurched. John’s stomach twisted, and his onigiri came up. While colors and shapes passed by in a blur, the splatter of vomit echoed in the distance like a soft whisper. Wind ripped at his face. Kuki station disappeared behind him. Haseda station barely registered. Then, everything became still.

            The man released John’s arm somewhere outside of Omiya station.

            John fell to his knees. “What —” He coughed. “— just happened.”

            “Come.” The man gestured towards McDonalds. “We must prepare for the job.”

            “Who — better yet, what are you?”

            The man shrugged. “The same as you … just older.” He grinned. “Call me Hyuga.”

            John’s heart thumped, and his mouth went dry. “I … .” His voice cracked. Should probably run away from this monster, but how? Several deep breaths later, he pushed himself to his feet. He wobbled back and forth.

            “Come on.”

            “McDonalds? Really?”

            “We need to recharge and prepare.”

            “Again … McDonalds? Really?”

            Hyuga laughed. “I’ll explain once we sit down to eat.” He patted John on the back.

            John stumbled forward, and his knees buckled.

            Hyuga reached out and grasped onto John’s shoulder, keeping John from falling face first into the street. “Besides, you need to get your bearings before we do anything.”

            “Ha!” That’s putting it lightly.

            Keeping John firmly in his grip, Hyuga marched towards McDonalds. With a straight face, he ordered ten large french fries and nothing else.

            The clerk arched an eyebrow.

            John returned the gesture and rubbed at his throat. “Water too … please.”

            Hyuga sighed as if the free water cost him a trip to Tokyo Disney Sea. “I guess I’ll take a water, too.” Once the ten large french fries had been piled atop two trays, he gestured for John to follow him upstairs.

            John followed with a hesitant step. Strength slowly returned to his knees, and by the time he reached the top of the stairs, he felt like he could make a run for it. Though, he doubted he could get far if Hyuga really wanted to keep him close. John would have his peaceful weekend. He just would, but a quick lunch at McDonalds wouldn’t waste too much of his time. He could sit.

            While his head jerked back and forth, Hyuga edged forward into the dining room. “Over there.” He pointed to the far corner in the smoking section.

            “Do you smoke?”

            “No.”

            “Then why not —” John gestured towards a table on his left. “— here?”

            “Too many people to hear what I have to say.”

            “Oh … .” I don’t like this at all.

            “Come on.” Hyuga strolled into the smoking section and took the outer seat facing the wall.

            Despite John never sitting on the inside, against the wall, he didn’t complain. Who knew what this Hyuga was capable of. “So —”

            “Start eating first. I’ll talk.” Hyuga shoved a fistful of french fries into his mouth and chewed once before swallowing.

            John’s stomach turned. How can he eat french fries like that? “Ummm —”

            “I said eat.”

            The burning smells of rancid tobacco drifted through the air while the bustling conversations blanketed the entire dining room. So many people continued to walk in.

            John’s fingers clung to the table.

            Puke rose into the back of John’s mouth. The unclean table twisting his stomach tighter than Hyuga did on the trip back to Omiya.

            After swallowing,, John ate some unhealthy, disgusting french fries.

            “That’s more like it.” Hyuga ingested another handful of french fries. “You’re probably asking yourself, why did we only order french fries? And what does this have to do with magic?”

            Yes … actually … . “Wait … magic?” A french fry caught in John’s throat, and he choked. He took a gulp of water then coughed.

            “Well, that is a general term for it. It’s more of a power than magic.”

            I want to argue about how stupid this sounds, but … . “And the potatoes?”

            Hyuga swallowed another mouthful. “Every type of power-user must pay a cost. Ours just happens to be potatoes.”

            “That makes perfect sense.”

            Hyuga’s brow scrunched.

            John rolled his eyes. Japanese people just don’t understand sarcasm. “By perfect sense, I mean that it makes absolutely no sense at all.”

            “I see. A foreigner joke?”

            “Racist much?”

            “Not that much, but a little.”

            Before groaning, John squeezed the bridge of his nose. “Great. This is wonderful.”

            “I’ll make an exception for you since your Japanese is so clean.”

            John nodded, trying not to smile. One thing he was proud of was his level of Japanese after studying so hard for so long.

            “Anyway, Chefs —”

            “Chefs?” John blinked a few times then shook his head. “What —”

            “Our kind. It’s the designated term for power-users who require potatoes.”

            “Oh.”

            “Where was I?” Hyuga scratched the crown of his head. “Oh yeah. So, potatoes are the fuel that we burn in our Stomach Ovens to power our link … s.” He stared into John’s eyes. “Red … so, who have you killed?”

            John gulped. My mother. “Killed?” He shook his head. “No, no, no. I was born with red eyes.” Wasn’t I?

            “I see … .”

            “You’re so racist.”

            Hyuga chuckled. “Sometimes. Too bad though. Having someone else on my side with more than one link would have been nice.”

            “More than one link?”

            “Yes. A Chef is only born with one link. They must kill someone close to them to harvest more.”

            John licked his dry lips, and the salt burned them. Is that why Mother was trying to suffocate me in my sleep that night? “I understand. But how do potatoes we eat power the magic?”

            “Simple.” Hyuga waggled his index-finger. “You ignite your Stomach Oven then mentally shovel potatoes into it from your Stomach Fridge. It will activate your link, and you attach the link to an infused item.”

            “An infused —”

            “Just try to burn for now and extend your link.”

            John closed his eyes, and for some reason, he could see three objects within his mind. One looked like a pile of gold while the other two were stone-like and hot to the mental-touch. Why had he never sensed these before? Is that what Hyuga meant earlier by awaken? Because John was sure what the second source of heat was, he fed the golden substance into only one.

            Heat. A blazing inferno. Then, the strong scent of burning potatoes filled the area around him and crushed the stink of tobacco.

            His stomach felt like it was on fire, though it didn’t hurt. John opened his eyes to see a glowing, translucent cable extend from his stomach.

            A deep crimson light bathed the table.

            “What?” John trembled then the Stomach Oven cut off on its own.

            The link vanished.

            The red light disappeared.

            Though it thinned, the smell of burned potatoes still remained.

            Hyuga clapped. “Very good. For your first time, that was amazing.” After checking his watch, he shook his head. “I’ll explain more later. For now, just eat.”

            Feeling a touch of excitement, John began to shovel the french fries into his mouth. His peaceful weekend could wait a little while longer.

###

Next: Update #20 BURNING Chapter 2 scene 1 Draft 2

Preparing for BURNING's second draft

Using the super narrow margins, I've printed BURNING POTATOES FOR THE GLORY OF PEACE's first draft.

Now I need to get to work with my red pen and hammer out the second draft!

So busy!