Monday, September 30, 2013

Passed out photo series #6

How stupid can Haruki be?

Haruki woke up with stupid by mixing whiskey into his coffee. But honestly, can you blame him? It was Friday after all.

With a flask in his pocket, Haruki strolled into his office and began his day by cursing out his boss. It was not his best moment, to say the least.

Since he made it through the day, he considered himself lucky. Though, his flask wasn't as fortunate. He stumbled out of his office and ran face first into a young lady. Too bad whiskey made him angry-drunk.

She moved to apologize.

Haruki slapped her.

She screamed.

Before the police could arrive, he fell into a sprint. His heart pounded. While panting, he slipped into a liquor store as he passed by and grabbed a handle of whiskey. He began to drink. And drink.

Half way through the handle of whiskey, Haruki tripped over his own feet. The bottle left his hand and flipped through the air. Whiskey covered a passerby.

Haruki blamed him for the lost whiskey.

The man wanted Haruki to pay for his ruined jacket.

Both clenched their fists. First of all, Haruki was drunk. Secondly, he was not a fighter and didn't actually know what he was doing.

The man's fist came down across Haruki's chin. Haruki dropped.

And here we are. Haruki laid out, and the man searching for his wallet, to pay for the ruined jacket.

Thank you for reading,

Next: Kei

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Goo stories #2

            I dodged falling debris while I slid across the slick, wooden floor. What's wrong with the stairs?
            With dust filling the air, it became hard to breath. I couldn't see more than a foot in front of me.
            Crack! Crack! Smack! The shaking began to rattle my brain. My eyes felt like they were boiling in their sockets.
            "Mom!" I leaped from the last stair. After reaching out to the bouncy ball toy with my mind, I burned the fish I had eaten earlier.
            Something smelt wrong.
            While licking my lips and before my form turned into energy, I heard a whoosh. "Mo--"
            Thwack! Pain shot through the back of my head. My muscles relaxed. Blackness closed in around me, and I crumpled like overcooked tuna.

Next: Part 3

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Writing resource #6

Brandon Sanderson pretty much says it all, but I just want to make sure people have a chance to see his 3 laws on magic and talk about how I use them. I also want to discuss how to take one of your existing magic systems and apply the rules to them in order to improve and add depth.

So, here are the three laws. I'd greatly suggest checking them out.

Sanderson's first law

Sanderson's second law

Sanderson's third law

Basically, the three laws can be summed up like this.

1. Mysticism v near tech-like
-If magic only causes more problems and doesn't ever actually solve problems for the characters, then you will need little to no explanation of it. But, if your characters are running around, slinging fireballs and using their magic to solve their problems, then you need to explain more. The more you use it, the more the reader needs to know about it.

2. Your magic can do anything, but what it can't do is more important.
-Magic is fun and makes for good action, but the tension comes from what your magic cannot do. This also goes into what your magic costs and what your character has to sacrifice to use the magic. AKA limitations, costs and weaknesses. The more someone knows about your magic, the more they will know what your characters can't do. This gives the reader that 'one page before the character' foresight to see trouble coming. This is a wonderful tension device.

3. One power with many applications is greater than one-hundred different powers.
-Magic with depth is always better than shallow magic with a million different powers. Being able to use the same power in different ways makes a scene much more interesting, not only for the reader, but for the writer, as well. It makes the writer think about different ways to use the power and how each scene can be altered by the magic.

So, for me, I try to use the laws when I create the magic system. Sometimes, I think about the opening line first to get me interested in the story (as with Painting), but usually, I create the magic system first.

1. I come up with a cost. I try to think of something that would make the magic abundant but restricted at the same time. The cost, to me, is the core of the magic system. With my Nano this year (Mind that it will change after the first draft) I came up with two costs: 1) potatoes--the magic user must have ingested potatoes. 2) a specific item for each of the ten powers--the user must have a specific item to link the power to in order to actually use the magic.

2. I come up with the powers themselves. I generally pick a random number and make that total amount of powers. I apply the third law to this part and really hammer out the different ways a character could use each power and how someone could exploit them. For my Nano, I came up with ten different powers. 1) Standard elemental manipulations. 2) Physical enhancement. 3) Phasing. 4) Fast travel. 5) Armor. 6) Hide self. 7) Enhanced senses. 8) Healing. 9) Mind control. 10) Anti-aging.

3. I come up with limitations for each power. I try to pick things that make the user not want to waste their power, but not so bad that they won't actually use the power. For my Nano, I have two major limitations. 1) Each magic user is only born with one link (wink wink), thus they can only use one power at a time. 2) The different items that are required for each power are limited in power, and some are more rare than others. For example, physical enhancement requires a ball-point pen while phasing requires a gold coin of a certain weight.

4. I come up with counters and weaknesses to each power. Some powers offset other power while some powers make you vulnerable to other things. Taking the Hide self and Enhances senses powers as an example of offsetting powers, they also have weaknesses. Hiding yourself reduces your senses while enhancing your senses makes you stand out and easy to find.

5. Finally, I think of different ways to use each power and how people could abuse them. I put the abuse in use in a sample scene and think of ways, to counter the abuse, restrict the abuse and how to exploit the abuse. This really came into play with the Mind control power, but I don't want to spoil my Nano just yet.

As far as applying this system to your magic systems. First, make sure you have solid rules for your magic system, even if you will stick more to the mystic side. Write out your costs and limitations of each power. Then create counters and weaknesses for each while thinking about how each could be exploited. From there, combine powers that are similar or make a new power that can do two different things. Add more ways to use your powers and then try to apply it to a scene that uses magic. Now that you have everything set in stone, you apply the scale to your story. If it is mysticism, you just have how your magic can work. If it is tech-like, then you can go about explaining your rules in your writing. One thing to note though don't do it in an info-dump.

I hope this helps.

Thanks for reading,

Next: Emotions cheat sheet

Friday, September 27, 2013

Goo stories #1

Today, we meet Goo! The super cute and awesome--near dog-like--Scottish Fold!

This is my g/f's cat, and he is one and a half years old.
She has her own blog for him, but she rarely updates it because she says, "It's so troublesome." lol. But, if you get a chance, please check it out.
Her cat blog!

I will be doing a Goo story series (Like the passed out photo series), kind of like episodes. Each picture will come with a small part of a larger story. (like mini chapters based on his adventures)

I've been debating on writing this in 3rd limited or 1st person. I have more experience writing in 3rd limited, but this seems like it would fit better from first person, so I'll try and do that.

As most good stories begin 'at the home,' this one will, as well.
Shall we begin?

            I turned my head. Who said that? It was a human. I swear it was, but it wasn't a voice I recognized.
            "Goo!" The voice sounded more insistent.
            The warmth of my new box asked me to ignore whoever was calling my name. I heard metal scrape across metal, and my eyes lit up. They grew wide, and I couldn't help but lick my nose. Fish! I could smell fish! Even the air carried the taste of fish. I think it's tuna.
            "Where are you?" The voice spiked in tones and cracked.
            "I'm coming!" I leaped from my box and rushed to the stairs.
            Everything began to shake.

Next: Part 2

Writing update #4

So, I'm working on a magic system discussion/resource post, but it's taking more time that I'd thought it would. I'm working hard on it. So, with this small update, I'll also post the first in my (based on another suggestion from my g/f) Goo stories #1 which will be based on the cutest cat of all time.

From the writing update, I'm on schedule, to finish the beta draft of Painting with Light and Shadow by October 10th. That will give me enough time to work on the query letter, summary and Nano Wrimo novel.

I'm excited for November.

Thanks for reading,

Next: Update 5 + PAINTING opening scene

Passed out photo stories #5

Ah, daytime drunk. We've all been there ... right? I know I have at least. Though, maybe I haven't reached the same level as Hyuga here.

With the day off and no hobbies like a good Japanese salary-man, Hyuga woke up at his regular time and didn't know what to do with himself. He began to pester his wife who then told him to get out of the house and do something.

He actually thought he was, but I guess she saw it differently.

While wandering the streets, Hyuga passed a liquor store. After glancing between the large bottle of sake and his watch for about twenty minutes, he decided to just go ahead and grab him a few drinks.

Anytime he looks back on this, he will wish he had followed the 'Japanese rule' of no drinking before five p.m.

Without eating anything, Hyuga cracked open the bottle and drank it straight. The sake hit his stomach like a brick to the face, and he felt good. So good, in fact, that he decided to take the local skateboarders up on their offer to 'live again.'

He was a great worker at his company. A good manager even. He considered himself a decent husband. ... But one thing he was not, was a skateboarder. And being drunk didn't help his cause.

He sat his bags down and went to work. Pushing off with one foot on the board and the other off, he struggled to keep his balance. When his vision blurred, and his stomach turned, he began to regret his decision.

With one hard push, Hyuga found his feet no longer touching the skateboard. In fact, the skateboard had already rolled way off, and his legs were waist level. It felt like time had slowed as he watched his body plummet towards the pavement. Thud. He hit and sprawled out. One part drunk, the other knocked-the-fuck-out.

Luck was with him though as the skateboarders were so amused by his fall, that the dragged him over to the flower garden where he had sat his things and rested him there. And here he lies. Still alive, but unable to twitch even his little toe.

Poor, poor Hyuga. He should probably keep his day job.

Thanks for reading,

Next: Haruki

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Writing resources #5

Today, I'll talk a little about The One Page Synopsis.

One page synopsis

When I started writing, this was such dreaded prospect after finishing a novel. I worked on and tried to add every piece of information that I thought was relevant or cool. Often times, I could trim it down to about 3 to 5 pages but never one or two.

Then, I found this article. It changed the way I write. I still create the magic system, characters, and world first. But now, I actually sit down after writing the opening scene and write the synopsis. I tweak it; then I come up with a small chapter outline (basically name each chapter which tells me what the major event in the chapter will be) and follow that by revising the characters, world, and magic system. When all is said and done, I move on to finish the first chapter to see how much I like the direction the novel is headed in and finally rework the synopsis one more time.

As someone who started as a pure discovery writer, this has become an amazing tool. I still discovery write for the most part, but overall, this gives me an actual direction I can move in. It feels like a quick set of discovery written scenes to write the synopsis, as well.

Why did this article change the way I write and remove the dread I feel whenever I have to write a synopsis?

That's simple.

Despite the countless 'how to write a synopsis' articles out there, this one really broke it down in an easy to understand way and used examples from a very famous story, Star Wars. That made each point of the synopsis stand out in my mind, and I was able to think back to my stories to those points.

It makes writing so much easier. I hope you give it a shot the next time you have to put your writing through a meat grinder and produce a synopsis.

Thanks for reading,

Next: Sanderson's 3 laws of magic

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Passed out photo stories #4

Sorry about yesterday guys. Had to go to the Dr and do some actual, for my job, work at home. UGH! lol. Anyway, today, we have another passed out photo story.

Oh poor poor Taisei. 

After the day's client begged him to take him out on the town, he found himself with a bottle of Jack in one hand and a bottle of Jose Cuervo in the other, stumbling towards the one soap-land his wife didn't keep tabs on. 

It was unfortunate that the walk was so long and that the day's client was such a violent drunk. A young woman crossed their paths and Taisei's client took it as a slight. He screamed at the woman until she broke down in tears and then demanded that she perform the services they had intended to get at the soap-land. 

She refused, and Taisei's client moved to force her hand. 

Taisei could not abide by this, so with all his drunken might, he swung the bottle of Jack and caught his client upside the head. 

His client dropped like a sack of wet rags. 

Taisei smiled until he realized that he was still spinning around himself. He flailed his arms to slow his turn; the night's biggest mistake. 

It was more than unfortunate that he didn't like tequila and had barely touched the bottle of Jose Cuervo as it slammed into his own face, right between the eyes. He has been sprawled out like this ever since: 

Next: Hyuga

Monday, September 23, 2013

Writing resource #4

Today, I'll talk about Face Turn.

Face turn

Face Turn is another amazing resource for showing emotions in your writing. It helps prevent telling the reader what the POV is felling and having those pesky POV slips when you tell the reader what a non POV is feeling. It also allows you to show how the character feels/reacts to what someone else says or how the fell about what they are saying. It gives you a good 'blocking' tag to go along with the body language tags and action tags. Doing all this helps you avoid dropping said and asked on every line. (And it doesn't involve using the dreaded said-book-isms)

With Face Turn, I often go over it before I start writing. Try to get a feel for the total emotions I want to convey for a scene and then look at the different faces expressing those feelings. Sometimes, I will try and imitate those expressions ... while at home ... alone—sometimes there is a mirror, sometimes just my hands feeling the contours of my own face. This gives me a good idea of the twitches I'll write for the characters when I dive into a chapter/edit.

Sometimes, I use it like Word Hippo or the Body Language Cheat Sheet, and {   } an emotion + the word facial expression/body language. Then when I go back to clean up the chapter, I pull up Face Turn and go through the emotion, zooming in and gauging each contour of the face. Then, I imitate it and decide which twitch I want to insert into my writing so that it doesn't break the flow.

This resource allows me to expand my ability to show a reader what my characters are feeling, rather than telling them. I hope you give it a chance and see if it helps expand your writing.

Thanks for reading,

Next: One page synopsis

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Drinking stories #2

I've been debating on which drinking story to go with next. (Haven't seen the g/f all weekend, so sorry for the further delays on the hook up/meeting people posts)

After thinking about it, I decided to go old school with one of my oldest drinking stories. It is one that I have told several times over drinks with friends or new friends. I call this story, "Why I don't drink whiskey."

So, like most Saturdays for college students, I awoke early in the day ... just a bit before one in the afternoon. When I stumbled into the living room, I felt my stomach calling for for breakfast. Before rolling into the kitchen, I asked my roommate if he wanted to join me.

Of course he did.

The two of us began pounding Soco and lime shots—breakfast of champions.

Once we had a good buzz, I strolled to the couch and sat down to play a few video games. This went on for a few hours, pounding more shots every so often to ensure our buzz never died. By the time the sun began to set, my stomach grumbled. One part alcohol, the other part hunger. Even with the huge, late dinner the night before, I couldn't put the call for food on hold for much longer.

While me and my roommate drained the last of the Soco, I suggested that we head out and grab some burgers or something. He waved me off and told me that there would be pizza at the party. At this point, I had forgotten about the party, but I just nodded and went with it.

After getting dressed, we loaded into my roommates car and rolled over to the party. ... Yes, we were still a bit buzzed, but not really an issue. Though, the whole drinking and driving thing was one of the major reasons I came to Japan. I like to drink, and I hate to drive. The trains make everything easy.

We arrived at the party a bit after it started. I strode inside, thinking that the pizza would already be there. I was wrong. I figured they would order it soon, so I walked into the kitchen and began drinking on a handle of Evan with a dash of Pepsi to chase it.

Me and some random guy at the party worked through half of the handle, and there was still no pizza. I searched and found the host, but he was more fucked up that me. He told me that he had ordered Sandwiches instead, so I relented. I returned to the kitchen to finish off the handle of Evan.

I don't know about everyone else, but whiskey makes me angry-drunk. Real, real angry-drunk. So, I nearly get in a fight with the guy I was drinking with as well as several other people. At one point, I strolled outside and began peeing inside someone's car ... like on the driver's seat.

When I came back inside, my stomach growled. I remembered the lack of food. I dug through the kitchen, hunting for food. There was none. I asked around, and it turned out that the host had never ordered any sandwiches.

My drunken rage took over. The host was sitting on the couch watching a movie with some other people in the party. He was drooling on himself, drunk to the point of passing out. I called out to him. When he turned to look at me, I grabbed his expensive, porcelain lamp.

I asked, "Whose lamp is this?"

I saw the host working his mouth, but his response was too slow.

I slammed the lamp against the wall, shattering it into a million pieces. I bared my teeth and shouted, "It's no ones lamp!"

After stumbling around the party, burning my anger and drinking a bit more, I found myself in the bathroom. This particular bathroom had a slight lean in it. The floor at the door was about two inches higher than by the wall. I felt sick.

The next thing I know, I hear a girl scream and then a door slamming. The door clicked open again, and I looked up at my friends. They laughed. Turns out that I'm rolling around in an inch and a half of standing puke.

Some take pictures. Some throw-up themselves. My friends undress me and throw me in the shower. They turn on the cold water and spray me down. Once they finished moping up the puke, my roommate began poking me with the mop ... he says that he was just checking to see if I were alive, but I think he was just having fun. Eventually, I took the mop and used it as a pillow.

When the morning came around, I was still drunk. My roommate had sobered up enough to drive, and we grabbed some fast-food on the way home.

I was hungover for 3 days afterwards.

Now, just the smell of whiskey makes me vomit. I tried to drink it some time later by holding my breath, but when it touched my tongue, I upchucked all over the people I was drinking with. Needless to say, I stay as far away from whiskey as possible now.

I hope you enjoyed the story.

Thanks for reading,

Next:  Halloween 2013 

Passed out photo stories #3

Would you like to meet Hitomi? 

Because she'd like to meet you. 

After her long-term boyfriend had dumped her, she decided to drown her sorrows in the bottomless margaritas at her local host club. She spent hours talking herself up to the man she had paid to listen. 

When it became clear that he wasn't going to go home with her, she took her hunt for a bed warmer to the streets.  

It was unfortunate that she only had an eye for married dudes. 

After being rejected for by the fifth guy, she decided to change her strategy. She wrapped her arms around a foreigner's waist, not knowing his wife was a jealous, violent beast. One swift right left Hitomi in the middle of the road like this: 

Next: Taisei

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Writing resource #3

So, today I'll talk about another writing resource. Today is the body language cheat sheet!

Body language cheat sheet

This is a wonderful resource to pull up when going through your revisions. Sometimes I will just write a {   } around an emotion/feeling so that I can move on and get the ideas out of my head. Then, when I'm cleaning the chapter up with Grammarly and Word Hippo, I'll also go through the body language cheat sheet and fill in the emotions.

It's also handy for replacing action echoes. If you want to say the same type of feeling, but you already used that action a few paragraphs ago, this is a good way to go through it and change your action. If you feel like you use an action too much, and it's not a character twitch, then this helps you vary your writing.

For example. You have your characters staring at the other characters too much. You've eliminated the word echoes with Word Hippo, but the action is too repetitive. So, you can go through the cheat sheet, and it talks about how staring is an aggressive gesture and tries to show your dominance. Then, you scan the cheat sheet for another action that has a similar representation. In this case, you could choose: putting your hands on your hips or pointing at someone with your finger.

This resource will help keep your writing fresh.

Thanks for reading,

Next: Face turn

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Writing update #3

Finish the pre-beta draft of painting. Working on the beta draft now, about to release the first chapter to beta readers.

Next: Update 4

Passed out photo stories #2

Here lies Satoshi. 

After a grueling day of work, he decided to go out on the town. He thought he could stop after one Highball; he was wrong, and after putting down three over his normal five drink limit, he found himself in a strip club. 

 Four drinks later he was thrown out for joining the dancers on stage. He didn't take kindly to this insult, so he took, what he thought was a better show to the streets. 

It is unfortunate that amateur pole dancing and alcohol don't mix well as he soon found himself crashing head first into the sidewalk. He has been out cold for the past two hours like this: 

Next: Hitomi

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Writing recource #2

I'm a bit tired, but I'll try and get another drunk story, how to meet girls and how to meet new friends up by the end of the weekend. For today, I'll go simple and hand out another writing resource.

So, one of the other tools I use a lot—this one is free—to eliminate word echoes as well as to find a way to make my pros come out smoother.

It's called word hippo!
Word hippo

It is really good. Some ways that I use it, is when I'm writing, rather than thinking about trying to keep from echoing words, I just use the same word and put a {  } around the words. That way, I don't interrupt my thoughts, and I can clean it up when I come home and move it from my ipod touch to my computer.

It also helps when I'm editing, and I just think the sentence sounds cluttered. I try to break the sentence apart and figure out what I'm trying to say. I look at the primary words that can't really have their meaning changed, but use this program to look for a different way, to say them. It works wonders for keeping sentences flowing smoothly from one to the next.

I hope this resource helps!

Thanks for reading,

Next: Body language cheat sheet

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Passed out photo stories #1

Here lies Jyunosuke. 

One bottle of Nihonshu too many is a phrase he has never once uttered in his life. 

After a hard day of working the streets, he retired to his local 7-11 and started with a pair of 1-cup Sakes. Although, honestly, he only bought them to hold him over to the liquor store. What he had forgot was that his favorite liquor store was always closed on Thursday. 

Without lunch or dinner, the 2 cups of Sake had hit him pretty hard and not in the good place. He was pissed. With his Hawaiian style button-up shirt wrapped around his fist, he shattered the glass over the door and reached inside to unlock it. 

Jyunosuke was no thief though. After dropping enough money on the counter for a reasonable Nomihodai and a spare bottle, he drank his fill before the sound of police sirens nearly made him shit himself. Grabbing the bottle he had paid for, he ran from the store with all the strength his weary bones could handle. 

Panting and out of breath, He ducked into a corner, to finish his Nihonshu. That was the last thing he remembered as he woke up with a massive bruise on his right jaw, no wallet and bottle missing. Poor, poor Jyunosuke. I think you got robbed.

Next: Satoshi

Monday, September 16, 2013

Writing update #2


Well, I just finished the expanding of Chapter 23.

I have the outline for the last new chapter (24) I'm going to add to this book, and chapter 25 printed out.  After I finish chapter 24, I still need to print it and go through it with an edit before moving on. Though, I'll probably have a good bit of time tomorrow since it's the speech contest at work. I'll probably go ahead and edit chapter 25, then just go back and do 24.

Tomorrow night I should be able to clean up the last four chapters and print them out. With luck, I'll be finished with this draft by the end of the week, rework the hook chapters and post the first chapter for beta readers.

Nothing to it but hard work.

Thanks for reading,

Next: Update 3

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Drinking stories #1

Okay, I've been debating where to start with this portion of the blog as I have a ton of these. I thought about using one of my older—as in before I moved to Japan—stories, but I decided to go with a more recent one. It was a story that inspired a scene in my first shot at an urban fantasy, PAINTING WITH LIGHT AND SHADOW.

Now, where should I begin?

Ah, I've got it. I'll start with the inciting incident.

At this time, I was living with my Ex down in Chiba——Nishi-Funabashi to be exact——and I had just finished a really long work week at the international kindergarten that I was working at. It was about a month before the big earthquake if you want a time frame, and I wanted to sleep in on this particular Saturday.

My Ex, on the other hand, wasn't having any of it. Apparently, when I had come in the night before after three hours of overtime, I had went to the bathroom and left the toilet seat up ... I know, right? Some people are probably reading this going, "I don't see the problem," while others are screaming foul play at the top of their lungs. Well ... she was apart of the latter group. I was woken up with the covers stripped from the bed around eight, a glass of water to the face and an angry Japanese girl screaming in my ear.

Being tired and grumpy, I lost it. I yelled back. In order to avoid her crying fit/guilt trip, I stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door behind me. I grabbed a beer from the 7-11 on the way to the station and began to drink away.

Fast forward to night time, I was drunk. Somehow, I had ended up in Akihabara. I stumbled from the station and made my way into THE HUB——a British pub in Japan with good deals on drinks, no seat fee and a good, relaxed environment to meet new people.

I was in luck. It was still Happy Hour. THE HUB's Happy Hour is amazing as it comes with ~6-dollar, jumbo-sized Long Island Ice Teas. I grabbed two as to avoid paying the normal 9-dollar price. Good thing I was already drunk ... .

Once I had my two drinks in hand, I found that there were no tables available. So, I did what every other drunk foreigner tries to do when confronted with this problem: I strode up to the nearest table with a bunch of cute girls at it and introduced myself in Japanese.

We drank and drank, laughing the whole time. I told a few Japanese jokes that I had recently heard on TV, and they loved it. We were having a great time, but one of them had to wake up early Sunday morning for a company meeting. She invited me back to her place, but like a fool, I turned her down. Again, I can hear your reactions to this: "Why did you do that?" or "But don't you already have a girlfriend?" Both are valid questions, and honestly, I'm probably just not a good person.

So, once the last of the girls left, I decided to make my way around the bar. Three Long Islands in me, I could barely even see straight. I sat at one table with a bunch of punk-rocker-looking guys and girls, and we started taking shots. Oh ... that was a bad idea.

I remember chugging a beer and downing one more Long Island before my phone alarm went off to tell me that I needed to go in order to make the last train home. I said my farewells, and once again like a fool, I fell into a run towards the station. I shouldn't have stayed to get a kill from one of the punk-rocker girls, but she was really cute. In hindsight, walking to the station would have been so much better on my drunk ass.

Less than five minutes till the train arrived. My vision was blurred. I dodged and weaved poles and people alike with the grace of a flying brick. I hit my train card on the ticket booth and ran right through the 'you didn't touch it right' pin-ball stoppers. I face planted into the pole just beyond that. Lucky, I crashed forehead first. ... On a side note, this was not the last time me and that particular pole got familiar.

After recovering myself, I heard the automated voice say that the train has arrived. I dashed up the escalator and sprinted towards the train. The doors were closing, and an old man was getting onto the train. I had no choice. He was moving too slow. I shove him out of the way and slid onto the train.

I heard cursing from behind, so I spun to apologize to the old man ... possibly even try and hold the doors open. I puked all over him instead. I covered him from head to toe in liquid disgusting and the doors shut. He just stared at me as the train moved left the station.

The worst part? This isn't the end of the story. I know what your thinking. How could this get any worse? Well, it doesn't actually get worse, it just gets more, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

The puke in my mouth made me want to puke again. So, what did I do? I took a water bottle from a salary man passed out on the train and washed my mouth out. I chewed some gum and stuck it to his shoes ... I was drunk ... it was funny at the time. After my breath no longer made me gag, I moved to a different car and sat down, pulling my phone out and setting the alarm again in order to wake me up when the train arrived back at Nishi-Funabashi station.

I get a call from my Ex on the way home, and it wakes me up about half way there. Now, I'm grumpy, drunk and talking to someone I didn't even want to see. I started yelling.

Fortunately, she had gone back to stay with her parents for a few days as she was pissed at me. We argued for a long time. Until I got off the train. All eyes turned to me when I screamed into the phone. I told her to go fuck herself and slammed my phone shut. After stomping up the stairs, I felt the call of nature. It wasn't bad yet, but I knew I couldn't make it home——it was a long walk from the station to my place.

I stumbled to the bathroom and hit the switch on the handicap bathroom. I probably should have knocked first as there was a girl, probably as drunk as me, sitting on the toilet. She wobbled back and forth. Again, I probably should have just stepped away and went to the regular bathroom. Instead, I walked in, shut the door and locked it.

She smiled when she looked up at me, and I told her to hurry up. She had apparently just been sitting there, so she stood and gestured for me to use the toilet. I undid my pants and moved to go to the bathroom when she grabbed me by the dick. Once I got hard, peeing was the last thing on my mind. She moved to kiss me, and I could smell the vomit. I felt my own bile rising in the back of my throat as her lips touched mine.

Station attendants banged on the door before it got much further and forced us out of the bathroom. Ushering us forward, the made us exit the station altogether. I could have taken her back to my place or went to a Love Hotel, but her vomit tasting lips still turned my stomach. While she looked about confused, I scurried away and stumbled down the stairs ... not falling until the last one and only scraping my elbows and knees.

I got about halfway home when the call of nature flexed its muscles. I was in a graveyard. What else could I do? I stumbled over to the biggest grave and went town, washing it down with my piss. It felt so good afterwards. From there, I made it home and was hungover for two days, including Monday at work.

Well, that is one of my drinking stories. There are more, and most are not as disgusting, though quite a few involve puke.

Thank for reading,

Next: Why I don't drink whiskey anymore

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Meeting new friends #1

Okay, the start of this method also is the same as a method of picking up girls, but the conversations and topics are very different after the introductions.

First, we'll start with location. This method is for standard bars like The Hub and not Izakayas (there is a way to meet people at Izakayas, but it's a bit different and more difficult)

Second, get a good seat where you can watch everyone who comes in and out of the bar.

Third (this is where it gets different that the same style for picking up girls), look for tables with an even number of guys to girls or more guys that girls. The reason is simple: it is to make yourself seem as intimidating as possible.

Fourth, grab a new drink and swing by their table on the way back to your table. Open with a "Kanpai" by holding your glass up and getting a cheers back. If they go for it and don't seem too "WTF are you doing?" then start up a conversation. This is a really good chance to practice your Japanese as they will more than likely speak no English. Open with a "What do you do?" or if they are young, ask "Are y'all students?" and start up a conversation by using as much Japanese as you know. Ask what they are drinking and tell them more about yourself. Try and sit with them and drink as long as you can. By the end, you should have a new group of friends to hang out with the next time you go out.

Fifth, repeat!

I wish you luck! Be friendly, never embarrassed and always smile.

Thanks for reading,

Picking up girls #1

I'm a little bit busy right now, but I'm trying to get the first post out for each of the main topics of this blog. For that reason, I'll go with the easy out.

For everyone in the Kanto region, I'd consider coming down to Tokyo for 'speed dating.'

International party - speed dating

Now here me out. I know it sounds pretty sleazy ... and it is. But that's the thing that most people don't realize. You have to be sleazy, at least in your attempts to meet women (not in how you treat them), here in a city with so many people—most of which do not speak your native language.

This is a good way to pick up girls for a few reasons:
First, you have a chance to sit down and talk with about 20 girls each time.
Second, most of the girls you meet can speak a little bit of English.

Preparation before you enter the room is a key factor. I know this may sound obvious to some, but make sure you dress your best, get your hair trimmed/cut close to when you are planning to go, take a shower just before you leave the house, wear cologne if you have it (not really a major point, but it does help), brush your teeth after you get out of the shower (and I'd carry breath mints with you too) and beyond anything else, go in sober. Do not get hammered before you walk in the door, no matter how nervous you are. It will only make things worse in this case.

Next, don't be nervous. Or at least don't appear that way. Think of it like giving a speech to a bunch of strangers. (Actually, this is exactly what it is)

Going deeper into that, have a 'speech' planned out before you go in. Always open in English ... I can't stress this enough. Not every Asian there is Japanese. Keep that in mind, but once you start talking to them, you will find out soon enough. In English, open with a basic greeting, your name, ask for there's and move from there. If they are Japanese and look to be struggling with English, I'd switch to Japanese, even if you have a very limited ability with it. A quick back and forth, you asking questions like, "How old are you?" (Nan-sai desuka?), "Where are you from?" (Dokokara kimashitaka?) and "What are your hobbies?" (Shyumi ha nandesuka?). Those are the easiest things to communicate in Japanese/English. From there, come up with some things from what you want her to know about you and questions you can ask about them, no matter what their hobbies are. Just something so that you can always keep talking. You never want a silence, especially since it's only five minutes per person.

After each little 'interview,' you can either select yes or no. If both parties select yet, they are given each others information. This is why you select yes for every person you come across, unless you just absolutely never want to speak to that person again. More yeses, more chances. I would rank the yeses, thus if you get a match with them, you can schedule your dates accordingly.

Once you actually get yeses, in your first email, reintroduce yourself and attach a photo of yourself so that they can remember who you are. It also makes your first meeting with them much smoother. Schedule a date with all of your yeses within a month of getting their information (Use your ranking to determine which ones you meet first). Any later than a month and you are too late. Honestly, after about two weeks is too late, but sometimes there is wiggle room.

You make all the plans. Do not ask them what they want to do. That is an instant strike out. Just take charge. Ask them what they like to do and when they are free, but you make the plans. Make the schedule and let them know. From there, it is just work and matching personalities.

Good luck.

Best of luck. I'll go over international parties next time.

Thanks for reading,